We Interrupt This Life For Nursing School

 

I’ve been pretty slack in updating this blog recently, probably because that time has come in this race called nursing school where I can see the finish line.  I can see the finish line, but I’m tired.  No, scratch that – I’m not tired – I’m downright exhausted.  Every waking minute in my life in consumed with school.  Even when I have a few precious moments that could be considered “down time”, I can’t really enjoy it.  I watched an entire DVR’d episode of Private Practice the other day and at the end of it I realized I didn’t have a clue what I just watched… because my mind was somewhere back on campus or in my textbooks, going over signs and symptoms of increased intracranial pressure.

I have become a stressed out mess. My family hates to be around me. I live, eat, breathe, and sleep nursing.

But this, this state of madness… it’s only temporary.  In fact, In less than 20 days, I will be out of this class and into the next phase of my education.  Preceptorship.

I’m hanging in there. I’m working hard.  I’m praying my family and friends remember the old me, and know that I will return back to a state of normalcy by Halloween.  Until then, you will find me buried in a text book or in my notes, studying the brain and praying that the one that I have inside my own head lasts just a few more weeks.

This hasn’t been a race. It’s been a marathon.  And like my nursing professor told us at the beginning of class last Thursday: I didn’t start this race to quit before I cross the finish line.  Pushing onwards!

2 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

Impostor Syndrome

One of these things is not like the other….

Last week in class, when we were going over what the next few months had in store for us, my instructor brought up a very good point.

We are all impostors.

Or at least, we feel like we are. I had no idea, but Impostor Syndrome is a very real thing… and there are people living it every day. Walking through life feeling like they do not belong there, that at any minute someone is going to figure them out for the fake that they are. They feel as if they have tricked the world into believing they are smart, and competent, and good at what they do – when the reality is they lack a whole lot of self confidence!

I can’t imagine that there are many senior nursing students that do NOT feel this way. If you are one of those people who are just naturally awesome and able to conquer the world, then rock on. I am not one of those people. I spend a lot of time freaking out that I have somehow managed to pass all the tests by some sort of fluke of nature, and I’ve managed to just slide through clinical without someone figuring out that I am a complete and total fraud. Eventually someone will wise up when I ask the wrong question, or do the wrong thing… and they will kick me out.

How in the hell have I made it to the end of this?!

The really scary realization is that I am going to be expected to get a JOB and WORK?! AS A NURSE?! How is that supposed to happen? Will I miraculously have all the knowledge I need in the next three months?

Rationally, I know that I have worked hard and that is how I have gotten to where I am. I do take comfort in my instructors reassuring me that we are BEGINNERS. We are NOVICE nurses. We will not be expected to go out and save the world. So why do we expect that out of ourselves?

So take comfort, fellow Nursing Impostors. We will be ok. We are where we are supposed to be. We have made it this far not by luck or chance or happenstance, but because we have worked our asses off for it. We are going to be nurses, and damned good ones at that – because that is what we have been called to do. We will ask stupid questions and we will do the wrong thing, but such is life on a perpetual learning curve. I have that much figured out already. No one can truly be an expert in the field of nursing, because medicine and technology are evolving faster than we can perfect our skills.

Maybe one day I will wake up and I will no longer be an Impostor. Until then, I will continue to “fake it ’til I make it” and trust in those people who have mentored me along the way. I have some great teachers and mentors paving the way for me… and they believe in me, even if most days I don’t believe in myself. Yet. :)

3 Comments

Filed under Clinicals, General Nursing Blather, Lecture Notes, Random Stuff

The Countdown


The countdown is on!

I’ve neglected this blog over the past few months. I’ll be honest. I was checked out. For the first time in what seems like an eternity, I was able to relax and enjoy my summer vacation. I spent great time with my friends and family, traveled to awesome places, and created a lot of memories. It was nice to be able to put school on the back burner, even if it was only for a short time. And it really did fly by –

I started back to school yesterday. It’s funny how easy it was for me to slip back into nursing student mode. I thought I would have a hard time getting back into the swing of things… but it was like I never left. I think the countdown helped.

The first thing we went over in class on our first day back? How many days we had left until we graduated. Funny enough no one had counted it out yet… I think that we are all still in denial that we have made it this far and can see that light at the end of the tunnel. The number of days left on the calendar was 115. Today it was 114. Tomorrow it will be 113. Before you know it this whole experience will be over and done with and just another blip on my life radar. I have mixed feelings about that. :)

I have lots to blog about, and I can’t wait to share this last semester in this journey with you all. It has been a wild ride so far!

Leave a Comment

Filed under General Nursing Blather

Summer Vacation… Summer School?

Wow. I can hardly believe it. My fourth semester of nursing school is over!

Last Wednesday, as I walked out of my cumulative final exam, I felt something that I haven’t felt in a long time. A huge sense of relief. Stress literally fell off my shoulders in waves, and by the time I got back to my car I was practically skipping. I began this journey in January 2010, and since that day I have had the looming cloud of nursing school following me. Four semesters in a row. No real breaks. But on Wednesday? I finished that final and the only thing that loomed ahead of me was a nice LONG summer.

My program is arranged so that I had classes last summer, but this summer – I am a free woman. I will resume my nursing classes (for my FINAL SEMESTER!) in August.

So what would become of me this summer? This was the question that plagued me in the weeks leading up to the final. While the idea of a summer completely off sounded REALLY nice, I knew that probably wasn’t a good idea. I didn’t want to commit to a huge course load. Instead, I decided to take the last class on the pre-req list for the BSN program at my University.

This summer, I’ll be doing a bunch of fiction reading, a bunch of poolside sitting, a bunch of bad reality TV watching, and a bunch of STATISTICS. :)

I hope everyone has a great semester, and enjoy your summer “off”, if you are lucky enough to get one.

2 Comments

Filed under Crazy Experiences, Random Stuff

Freedom of Religion

During the very first semester of nursing school, we were drilled up one side and down the other with culture. Cultures, religions, beliefs, practices…all of the things that our patients might have that make them different from *us* (in the general sense). We learned all the different rituals we might come across in medicine, all the varying forms of “bad juju” and how to get rid of them, and not only that – but we were taught just how important it was to put our own bias and judgement aside in order to better serve our patients.

So that was four semesters ago.

I have worked in three different hospitals. I have taken care of all kinds of people… Africans, Mexicans, Koreans. I have taken care of all different social classes….the homeless. The rich. Through all of these rotations, I have never felt “far away” culturally from any of my patients. They were all embracers of Western Medicine. Even with language barriers, we had a common theme that connected us – medicine – and the will to get better.

Recently, I had my first run in with a patient that went against everything *I* believe… not only as a person of faith, but as a (student) nurse. My patient refused life saving treatment… and I’m not talking something that would affect their quality of life (like chemotherapy), or something that may or may not have been beneficial. They refused actual life saving treatment because it was against their religious beliefs.

So here I am, a student nurse… and I am taking care of a patient who is actively DYING in front of me.

You never really know how you are going to feel about something like this until you are actively put in this situation. I had thought about it before, and we had ALL talked about it before….but here I was face to face with it. Reading the chart, I had to literally have an inner discourse with myself… Because I knew I would be dealing with family…. and tough questions. How could I take care of this patient without letting my own beliefs cloud my care? I started having flashbacks to my fundamental instructors… :)

I think it was my inner dialogue that saved me…. because I did what I was put in that hospital to do. Which was take care of my patient. So instead of treating this woman’s disease… I remembered what nurses are here to do. What our job description truly is. We aren’t doctors… who I see as the “mechanics”. They are the ones solving the problems. They fix what is broken. Nurses take care of our patients. Nurses treat the whole patient, not the disease. And that is what I did that day… I swallowed my own opinions and I simply took care of my patient. I made her comfortable. I held her hand when the pain was unbearable. I warmed her when she was cold. These are the only things that could truly be done for her at this point in *her* journey….

… and this was her journey. Not mine. My only hope is that my presence provided some comfort to her and to her family during my time with her.

That is being a nurse.

3 Comments

Filed under Clinicals, Crazy Experiences, General Nursing Blather

The Wall.

All nursing students get to this point eventually.  If you are a student nurse, and you aren’t there yet – don’t worry, it’s coming.  What is the inevitable plight of which I speak? The wall.  That proverbial wall that you hit full force because you never saw it coming, and it knocks you flat on your ass.  The last thing you want to do is stand up and run at it again.  I hit that wall this week.  I’m pretty sure I have permanent head injuries as a result….

Last week was our spring break.  Let me tell you, it was glorious.  I think that this has probably been the first break that we have had so far in my nursing career where I didn’t have something huge looming over me: a paper, a project, an exam.  We had NOTHING waiting for us the week that we got back to class… so for an entire week I was able to completely let go of school.  And let it go I did.  I actually joked with my friends that I was off the “nursing clock”.  For one week I walked away from medicine… and it was BRILLIANT.  I can’t tell you all the ways that I needed that one week to myself.  I caught up on all the TV shows that have been rotting away on my DVR, I went to the movies with my husband, I carted children to and from soccer and other activities with reckless abandon.  It was wonderful.

Then reality hit.  I had to go back.  Dammit.

This week has been a struggle for me, I’ll be honest.  I am over school.  Remember when you were getting ready to graduate from high school and you had a diagnosed case of “senioritis”?  Yeah, I’m there right now.  I’m tired of the busy writing of “clinical reflections”, I’m tired of waking up at 5am for no pay, I’m tired of stressing out.  We are far enough into the semester where we are actually starting to wrap up loose ends now.  My last week of clinical was this week.  We can see the end of the road.  The final exam is starting to rear it’s ugly head.

This time of the year is the PITS.  It’s so close to being over, but yet – it’s not.  Actually, the hardest stuff is still waiting in the wings.

The hardest thing of all is to know that we are so so close to being done with all of this.  I can SEE graduation…

There have even been a handful of moments this week where I have thought to myself: “WHY AM I DOING THIS TO MYSELF?”

There is only one possible solution to hitting the wall.  You get up, you dust yourself off, and you climb over it.  Dig your heels in and GET IT DONE.

I’ll be an RN soon, and then it will all be worth it. :)

Add to FacebookAdd to DiggAdd to Del.icio.usAdd to StumbleuponAdd to RedditAdd to BlinklistAdd to TwitterAdd to TechnoratiAdd to Yahoo BuzzAdd to Newsvine

4 Comments

Filed under Clinicals, General Nursing Blather, Random Stuff

WWFD?

That is: “What would Florence Nightingale do?”

I’m a fourth semester nursing student now. It’s hard to believe it…. the time is flying by now, and I can see the end of the tunnel.  I can practically taste graduation!  There are times now where I feel like a nurse.  Where all the pieces fit together and the material makes sense.  There are still PLENTY of times where I sit down to chart in the hospital and think to myself: “Seriously, how will this ever feel like I know what the hell I am doing?!”   The good news, I guess, is those moments are starting to feel like they happen less.  :)

Lately in the hospital, I have started to become discouraged. And it’s not because the material is hard, or because I’m not particularly fond of my floor this semester (I’m working on an endocrine/MedSurg floor).  It’s because more often than not, I find myself watching the floor nurses and thinking that this isn’t what I want to do.  Now, don’t go crazy when you read that and think that I don’t want to be a nurse anymore.  Believe me, I want it more than anything. But the hospital environment has become something of a stressor for me.  In my head, I have all of these iconic and probably unrealistic visions of what I want to be like in my own practice.  The way I want to take care of my patients.  The kind of NURSE that I want to be.  And the longer I work in the hospital. the more evident it becomes to me that that just isn’t going to happen.

This semester the goal is to take on more responsibilities and more patients.  Right now we are running with two patients every week.  It’s not a problem. I enjoy it.  I get to spend some time with each of my patients.  Take detailed assessments, document effectively, and then I have lots of time to plan some care for these patients.  My patients ambulate, they turn, cough, and deep breathe, they get educated about their disease.  They get harassed about their incentive spirometer.  They get on time meds and dressing changes.  I’m able to do teaching. I’m able to do lots of little interventions…. like bring a packet of crackers and a sprite into a patient’s son that has been bedside all day and hasn’t left to eat ANYTHING.  It’s little things like that that make me feel like I make a difference.

The nurses that are actually working (for money) in the hospital, it’s a different story.  They have six, maybe more,  patients at times.  And we (meaning anyone working in medicine these days) know that the patients that are in the hospitals now are no longer “easy” patients who are there to rest and  recover. Even on the “general” MedSurg floors, you have a vast majority of acutely ILL patients.  Acutely ill patients that need CARE, and lots of it.  So here we have a nurse taking care of six + complicated patients, and by they time they pull meds, do their morning assessments, hand out those 548765876387687633333 meds,  hang IV meds, and then finally sit down to document it all, they are back to square one for the next round of meds.  When they aren’t doing those things, they are answering call bells (which they should be), and from what I can see you have some basic nursing interventions that aren’t getting done because the nurses just CAN’T.  They don’t have the time.

They teach us in school how to get rapport going with patients, how to earn trust, how to connect with these people that we are taking care of.  It just can’t be done in the real hospital world of today. It’s hard to get that rapport going when you see a patient 20 minutes a day, and of those 20 minutes, 15 of them are spent shoving meds down their throats.

I didn’t get into nursing to be a glorified pill popper and professional “charter”. I want to take care of patients.  I just don’t see real “patient care” going down in the hospitals these days!

Please don’t get me wrong. This isn’t the nurses’ fault.  They are all wonderful nurses, and in my time spent in the hospitals under these remarkable women and men, I have learned a LOT.  There are so many great nurses there that are GREAT teachers.  But the hospitals have made it so that these wonderful nurses… well, their talent and compassion is snuffed because of the corporate business healthcare machine and their staffing ratios.

I really think that everyone in medicine should start DEMANDING safer staffing ratios.  You can’t tall me that if a nurse had three or four patients, that the quality of their care wouldn’t improve.  It absolutely would.

What would Florence do?

Add to FacebookAdd to DiggAdd to Del.icio.usAdd to StumbleuponAdd to RedditAdd to BlinklistAdd to TwitterAdd to TechnoratiAdd to Yahoo BuzzAdd to Newsvine

Like This!

6 Comments

Filed under Clinicals, General Nursing Blather, Random Stuff

I’m a SENIOR!

So much has happened in the past several weeks that I can’t even begin to get it all down in one blog. This has been an amazing semester for me. I have learned so much. I haven’t had much time to even blog! But I am done with school for a month now for winter break.. so maybe I will be able to catch up a bit. I have had some great learning experiences. Hope my fellow nursing students finished the semester with a bang like I did! :) Merry Christmas!

Leave a Comment

Filed under Uncategorized

The light at the end of the tunnel.

I see it!!!  My third semester is almost done. I can hardly believe it.  It seems like I have been a bit slack at updating this blog lately, and that’s because I have. I’ll update a real post soon, and wrap up the semester.

Happy Thanksgiving (a week early!) to all!

Leave a Comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Where I want to work…

When you start working in the hospitals… on the floors, here and there… you start to get a sense of where you “belong”.  There are so many places, so many specialities.  And I will admit, there is something special about every place I have worked. I truly adore Med/Surg.  I love seeing so much.  Learning so much.  Taking care of post op patients give you so many opportunities to learn new things and use all your handy dandy nursing interventions.  However, back over the summer I worked a term at the local Children’s Hospital (on a med/surg floor, actually!)  and my time there was so special.  There is something to be said of feeling a sense of “belonging” in your work.  I find it funny because when I started nursing school the last thing I ever thought I would want to do was work with children.  But it took me less than 6 weeks to change my mind.

Maybe it has something to do with being on the other side.  I am the mother to an asthmatic, and I have spent many an hour playing the “worried mom” role by a hospital bed, watching my kid get breathing treatment after breathing treatment.  I have had the good nurses, and I have had the bad nurses in these situations…. and they make a difference.  Pediatrics isn’t just about patient care. It’s about FAMILY care.  That worried mom is your biggest ally and your biggest enemy at the same time.  She can be the greatest source of help and information – or she can be your greatest pain in the ass if you don’t play your cards right.  It’s a balancing act. But I have been that worried mom – so maybe it’s why when I had a mom that lashed out over the summer, or the mom that was less than enthusiastic about having a “student” nurse…. I understood where they were coming from.  I had been there in their shoes.

I had some of the most remarkable experiences working in Pediatrics this summer. I really did. I saw how a nurse can be that fine strand that holds that worried mom together.  I was that nurse this summer…. and it was easy for me.  I fell into a pattern of hugging families, of loving these kids that weren’t mine that I only cared for for two days at a time (in clinical, that was our shift).  I saw so many sad things…. but these sad things inspired me.  To be a better nurse.  To be what these families needed.  To be a bright light.

I know it sounds completely corny.  Believe me, it sounds corny even to me.  But when I left that floor on my last day of clinical – I felt overwhelming sadness.  I never expected to love it like I did (like I do!!).  I really didn’t.  I figured with three kids at home – why would I want to go to work every day and take care of MORE kids? :)

I know I will work in pediatrics again.  I know it, because it is what I am *meant* to do.  I am a pediatric nurse in the making!!

I have an incredible opportunity on the horizon.  On Monday I have a job interview at that same hospital…. for a tech position.  A tech’s work isn’t glamorous.  It’s hard work, for little pay.  But for me? It’s an opportunity to get back in there and take care of these kids.  I spend all my time working on adults now, and while they are fascinating… the work doesn’t have that same *spark* for me. :)  Bring on the kiddos.

So, wish me luck. I need my pediatrics fix to tide me over until I can get in there as an RN. :)

Leave a Comment

Filed under Clinicals, General Nursing Blather, Random Stuff